Dancing with the Stars opened with a new, three-tiered ballroom, with the celeb-aquarium replaced with more of a corner luxury box balcony area. The ballroom area seems extra large, and they like to brag that they have the biggest mirror ball in North America, for what that's worth.
Quick rundown of contestants (Scores are Carrie Ann - Len - Bruno):
Ron Artest - They are not using his new name, so you know. He was wearing just a glittered vest with a bowtie, no shirt, and his hair and goatee/mustache were all dyed blond, with something in black apparently written on the back of his head? It's... questionable. So are his dance moves. Basketball players have not done well on this show - too much length to try and control or extend during dance moves. Sticking with a partner must be plain impossible. Low scores all around. (5-4-5)
Rob Kardashian - Kim, Khloe, and Lamar were all front row seats. Lamar could have been there for Ron as well, har har. Kim was already on DWTS, if you didn't know, and got kicked off in the third episode, so he hopes to stick around a little longer than that, despite being ... less famous? That's the polite way to put it, I hope. The critique of his Viennese waltz was that he was TOO intent on diligently following Cheryl's orders and not actually leading. Kinda embarrassing for him, but hopefully he can take it in stride, he did say he's used to being told what to do by loud brunettes. Cheryl's advice is never wrong, so it's fine to obey all her orders at the start of the game. Dominatrix or no, Cheryl knows how to get it done. (6-5-5)
Kristin Cavallari - had to open her introduction segment with "I'm Kristin Cavallari, and I'm not a bitch!" So... Anyway her partner is Mark Ballas, and Mark knows how to work the television audience for votes. Also, he pushes his partners basically as hard as a real dancer, so you can always expect results. She just needs more oomph. Confidence, we call it when we want words and not sound effects. (7-6-6)
Chynna Phillips - one-third of the singing group Wilson Phillips ("Hold On", you remember?). It was a smooth waltz, but we'll have to see how she fares with a faster dance. (8-7-7)
Nancy Grace - I didn't know much about Nancy Grace except I didn't like her, because I can't watch her show for more than ten seconds. But apparently she used to be a prosecutor. No wonder she's always telling me what to think. After watching her rehearsal video and then seeing her on the dance floor in a skimpy little dress, I realized, that Marie Osmond probably collapsed that one time because they put those ladies in way too much Spanx. It must be a dangerous amount of Spanx. Regardless, I gotta give props to the makeup artists, outfit designers, spray tanners, and anyone they must hire to force jelly rolls into Spanx, because everyone looks good. Except Pamela Anderson that one time. Bad job there. Anyhow, the dance went remarkably okay. She isn't confident in her physical ability to deliver the dance moves as much as she is when she's pointing her finger at the screen and telling us who is guilty of what (she needs to fully extend her movements) but perhaps that will come in time. Her partner is new to the DWTS cast, and he has a pretty heavy Irish accent. (5-5-6)
David Arquette - The first question Kim, his partner, asked him, was "why are you doing this show?". He answered that he's been on some rollercoaster times recently, he's been sober for 8 months, and now he's just "focused on being president". He performed well, but looked especially nervous, and during post-dance interviews he had nothing short of muscle spasms and was wringing Kim's sleeve, tying it into knots and out of knots. I don't have any experience with alcoholism and withdrawal personally, but it always seems to me that becoming an ex-addict has many of the same symptoms as becoming an addict, is that not unusual? (6-6-6)
Elisabetta Canalis - an Italian model and actress, paired with Maxsim's little brother, Val. It's hard for them to understand one another (Italian / Russian) and it's hard for us to understand them in the video montages. She looks significantly less good close up and in HD, also. Musicality is bad, arms are questionable, but hips are okay. Is there some kind of Italian contingent that's going to vote for her? (5-5-5)
Hope Solo - Hope got Maks, and they a pair of big personalities in the same room at once. They got into it from the start, and you might've expected. Hope claims she's never grasped the concept of 'ladylike', but she did reasonably well for someone with such defined arm muscles. Except what seemed like a little bobble on the slippery high heels. If you've spent your whole life in tennis shoes, you sometimes forget that you've got to put your weight down precisely top-down in high heels, or potentially go shooting off to the side. (7-7-7)
Carson Kressley - I never got to watch Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, but I know him from other style shows, he's everywhere. The first thing he said when he saw Anna Trebunskya was "Hey, you're not Maksim!" That man cannot stand up straight, and it's got to come back to hurt him later? The cha-cha was so outrageous (you know it, *snap!) and barely in control, but hey, it's a party dance! (6-5-6)
J.R. Martinez - Here's the quick version of his life story: exploded by a bomb in Iraq, rehab'd for forever, became a motivational speaker, became an actor on the soap opera All My Children, invited to Dancing with the Stars. He's unrelentingly positive and proud of his scars, and my new favorite quote is "there's only one thing the army didn't teach me: the Viennese Waltz!" I don't know if he's a natural, or if Karina is somehow able to drill musicality into her pupils. I think they've saddled her with tough prospects before, so it's probably J.R. - his arms are great, and emotion is good, feet can get a little ploddy, probably those army boots coming back to haunt him. Brooke asked him, during 'inane question time' if "eight years ago, when you were in the army, did you ever imagine yourself here, dancing in front of millions of people?" "Absolutely," he replied. (8-7-7)
Ricki Lake - where has she been all these years, one wonders. She also thinks she's overweight? I personally think ladies should just stop proposing they are "so overweight" and "need to get rid of all this" because did you see Kirstie Alley when she started? Do you see Chaz Bono? She's not really overweight compared to these people. She's about the size of Melissa Jeret Winokur (who also played Tracy Turnblad on Hairspray), and Melissa never complained. Anyhow, Derek Hough is back, and you know what to expect out of that: (7-6-7)
Chaz Bono - They try to keep the confusion down by not referring to him as 'daughter' in past tense, but on his bio, they do make reference to him being a 'lesbian', which is unhelpful. He's remarkably musical and light on his feet, but the belly certainly prevents a lot of moves, and he should be careful about the amount of time spent on his feet, after what we saw with The Woz. Lacey's hair is superblond now. (6-5-6)
------- Results show features Harry Connick Jr. and LMFAO (with Hok!) and Ron Artest was asked to leave, and he cheered himself right off the stage. I'm kind of sad, actually. I wanted to see what kind of crazy he would bring to the table.
