DWTS (S14): Week 4 Eliminations

Kiss is performing to promote their new tour, but I really don't know much about KISS. More important is the news on Melissa Gilbert, who went to the hospital at the end of last night's show. A slo-mo replay reveals that Maks hurt his arm at some point during the dance, and could not do the drop-spin with enough distance. Melissa was too close to him as she spun, and she spun at high speed head first into the back of his knees, explaining why he fell, and why she was taken to the hospital for observation during the show. They said she's fine, but the doctor recommended a day of rest, so Maks has to face the elimination alone, which looks awfully exposed, in that stage alone. But he's safe, as is Gladys, Jaleel, and even Gavin! If you're keeping score at home, this means that two favorites who have never been in the bottom two at about to get a nasty surprise.

Immediately, you discount Katherine, William, Maria, and Sheri, so that leaves Roshon as the one who is obviously in trouble, just by considering the peculiarities of the fan base.

And yes, he is in the bottom two, but here is the real surprise: Sheri is eliminated! How awful!

DWTS (S14): Week 4

Rock Week, and the ballroom has undergone a full transformation.

Sheri: Tango isn't her dance, because her exuberance isn't on display. Her biggest asset could be her happiness! Carrie Ann noticed too, and told Sherri to channel exuberance into passion. 7-7-7

Katherine: Katherine, on the other hand, smiles occasionally through he paso, as well as singing along with the song, which detracts from her MMA-themed dance. That's just looking for nitpicks, it's still good, of course. 8-8-8 judges seem to be coming down on those exceptionally high scores from last week.

Jaleel: Jaleel has no idea who Mick Jagger is, so he is baffled by Kym's enthusiasm for what he calls a "chicken-walker". He looks like he is having a ton of fun in this tango - is that allowed? Carrie Ann mentions what I was searching for, that his smoothness is not appropriate here. 8-7-7

Melissa: Maks was a true pest the entire week, trying to get Melissa into an angry enough mood to 'kill' him at the end of their paso. Her attitude is right, but she's not entirely in control of her moves. 7-8-7

Donald: Peta takes advantage of Donald's physique shamelessly by stripping him mostly naked. You got to hand it to her, she is not pulling any punches. Donald is again showing off his extensive knowledge of the show, as well. 9-9-9

Gladys: Bohemian Rhapsody, hooray. Gladys is IN the rock and roll hall of fame already, so her only concern is not getting kicked out, you know? For an old lady, she is super rocking. And, her legs are pretty good. Judges did not like it, though. 7-6-7

William: for some reason, William and Cheryl are doing the jive? Not sure why everyone else is doing paso and tango and you're the only ones doing jive. I believe I mentioned before that the whole cast is a feel-good, goody-two-shoes affair, but William also doesn't know anything about 80's rock. Cheryl actually brought in a real hair band, but this did not actually help William execute the dance - he just lost it midway through. 7-7-8

Roshon: Viennese waltz? Is this rock? Well anyway, he does great until some bangle just _explodes_ off Chelsie's wrist and he bobbles the next bit. His style is great and Chelsie's concerns about him being limp noodly are largely unfounded. The unusual part about watching him is that usually Chelsie is the youngest and smallest, and he is surprisingly younger and smaller-looking than her. 9-8-9

Maria: Maria's foot is fractured. Really, Maria? Just play on through? There is also a hilarious Greek contingent in the audience consisting of John Stamos, the lady from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and the lady from Body of Evidence. 9-8-9

Gavin: I like Gavin's outfit. Before the music starts, you think he looks like a Tim Burton tailor, but the music is Paint It Black, so it makes sense. Karina, on the other hand, had some strange feathers stuck on her face. Carrie Ann was reminded of Johnny Depp, that's the outfit talking. Judges did NOT like the hold and posture. Gavin seems resigned to being perpetually at risk. How sad! 8-8-7

DWTS (S14): Week 3 Eliminations

Seal was the guest performer. I am a sucker for "Lean on Me," but did he not separate from Heidi Klum? You can't do that and still be MY hero.

Rascal Flatts was also there, but I'm not a fan of their new song, either. Is it a cynical night for me? I liked the professional dance? Let's just keep it short: Jack (despite the same 24 total score as 4 other couples) had the lowest score and bid farewell.

DWTS (S14): Week 3 Eliminations

Seale was the guest performer. I am a sucker for "Lean on Me," but did he not separate from Heidi Klum? You can't do that and still be MY hero.

Rascal Flatts was also there, but I'm not a fan of their new song, either. Is it a cynical night for me? I liked the professional dance? Let's just keep it short: Jack (despite the same 24 total score as 4 other couples) had the lowest score and bid farewell.

DWTS (S14): Week 3

It's story night, a favorite of DWTS. I'm not that sentimental, so it's not my favorite. So. Very. Much. Crying. But I guess the big plan is to create loyal fans by emotion and backstory. I will thwart this by not repeating any of it here. Tissues not required below.

Jack: Still not seeing the appeal, myself, so I'm not sure if this is going to disturb you - this samba was complete with unbuttoned shirt and waxed chest. 8-8-8

Maria: What a weird version of "Material Girl" this is! She picked the song, but her assigned dance is rumba, so they just remixed it. Ew, Derek just plain choreographed a make-out session in the middle there. As for Maria (other strangeness aside), good looking dance. This is not part of her sentimental sob-story, but is a good reason to root for her: despite busted ribs, she moonlighted yesterday as a WWE wrestler. No joke. She got divebombed and kicked a scantily-clad lady out of the ring. 9-9-9

Gladys: Slow songs suit Gladys, as you might expect. Here's something I noticed. There was a moment right at the beginning where she looked out at the audience and she absolutely looked like she had no idea what she was supposed to be doing. Then, Tristan grabbed her and (no doubt) barked some crazy-half-English instructions and she went right to work. Tristan's puppetteering is masterful, what can I say. Her execution is graceful and, as Carrie Ann said, "rich". 8-8-8

Roshon: 70s Michael Jackson samba stylings. I think the emotion got away from him, and it ended up a little more "excited kid" than clean samba technique. 8-8-9 What is with these scores?

Gavin: We found out something tragic about Gavin, alright. We found out what is under that hat that he is always wearing. And it's not a good revelation. Karina incorporated the piano, always a bad sign that you think you're about to go. But he was under the red light last week, so it's best to bust out the piano if you've got to. Gavin's lines in his rumba were WAY better, incredibly so. That could deserve another week of Karina Boot Camp. 8-8-8

Katherine: She looks like she's all but bawling during her performance, but don't get ahead of yourself - it was still perfect. It's easy to mistake her for a professional dancer because of the hair and the body. It's not required for her profession, either, she's just Katherine Jenkins. Carrie Ann sobbed all the way through her critique, and Katherine was no better. Way to put a stopper on the waterworks, Len, by complaining that there wasn't enough real ballroom hold. Bruno just said: "SENSATIONAL!" which is pretty awesome, to keep him to one word. 10-9-10 Tens!?! Already!?!

Sherri: Sherri is either acting, or really about to also start bawling in the middle of her dance. Maybe acting, because she occasionally busts out into a HUGE smile. One or the other of them is acting. Her dance seemed really, really short, but I guess time flies when you're anticipating an emotional meltdown. 8-8-8

Melissa: She is putting those legs on display, and let us all hope we are all as good-looking at that age. She looks like she is completely unable to keep up with the pace of this incredibly fast song, though. 8-8-8, really? Everyone just gets an 8 tonight?

Jaleel: When Kym said "whew! That was right! That was sexy!" in practice, she looked right at the cameraman, with a look that I hope meant: "get that camera out of here, I'm about to jump this man's bones." Too smooth, too sexy, this dance. William Levy, eat your heart out. OMG he lost it when Brooke asked him a question, though. 9-8-8

William: Cheryl popped his shirt off at the beginning, to really blow the roof off the place. The bandanna seems like an unfortunate touch, though. It was a really good salsa, but if I had a critique, it would be that he's more careful when he's in hold with Cheryl. 9-9-10

Donald: Donald just needs a little calm and finesse to be a winner in this competition. 9-8-9

Nobody got so much as a 7. Let's hope America was a little more discerning with their votes.