Cheesecake Factory

So I know many of my more gourmand colleagues are not exactly in love with the place, but I am 100% bound and determined to eat my way through that cheesecake list. In my lifetime. I'm aware that it is pretty much deadliness bordering on a suicidal charge, but you can't just make a list like that and expect a person like me not to come 'round with completion on the brain. Join me in this delectably deadly maneuver, won't you? At least make sure I make it back after an evening of such dangerous undertakings.

So the crux of the problem is always this. Their portions are ludicrous. You hardly ever make it to dessert if you attempt to partake in a meal. So you either need to go in with a plan to make it to the dessert course, or go in for just dessert. Our plan today was to eat dinner early, and snag cheaper lunch portions instead of dinner/dinosaur-sized portions. Our other plan is typically to eat less than half and put the rest in a box. Once, I ordered a Cobb salad, since I thought that would work. You know what Cheesecake Factory thinks a Cobb salad looks like? Mount Doom. An entire head of cabbage and no less than three full avocados must be in that thing.

Regardless, even after ordering lunch portions, I was forced to yell at the guy who brought it out. "Seriously. I ordered a lunch portion." "That's it," he replied, and walked off. I thought to myself that all the busboys in that place must take a pre-interview benchpress assessment.

When time for dessert finally arrived, I proudly announced to our server that we had made it this time and that I'd like a Lemon Raspberry Cream Cheesecake slice. He nodded, and turned to Nan to ask him what he'd like. Nan was actually quite incensed by this. Why the hell, he asked after the server had scurried away from his withering gaze, would I want an entire piece for myself? Is it humanly possible to consume one of those on one's own? It's not like he looks like he usually eats 6000+ calories in a sitting.

And let me tell you, after a while of trying to stick to under 1200 calories a day, I couldn't even look that cheesecake in the face. I got sugar-shivers, which is pretty unusual for me, and had to leave the rest to Nan. "I'm going in for the kill, then," he said. I asked him who, exactly, was the victim in that scenario. "My waistline," he replied, stuffing the last bit in his mouth.

Fish and Chips (lunch portion): Four large fish portions, over large bed of fries, plus enormous lump of cole slaw. Softball-sized, at least. Really, actually, quite good fish and chips, considering we've had fish and chips in every establishment that claims to make them. Fish was battered thickly and fried crisply, chips were as good as any other chips out there.

Strawberry Lemonade: Seemed to be free refills? Or the server liked me.

Shepherds Pie (lunch portion): A sea of meat and mushrooms, with a lake of mashed potatoes. Obviously we were feeling 'English Pub-fare', and just as obviously, we don't even want to know what dinner portions look like. Tasted fine, but we barely made a dent in it. Also, it was not lamb - that is typical in America. Just beef and mushrooms.

Lemon Raspberry Cream Cheesecake: Quite good. Raspberry flavor was strong, as was lemon flavoring, so it's a tangy one to choose. Cheesecake Factory whipped cream is unique in that it seems very structurally sound. I personally like that. Soaked ladies fingers lined the bottom, but we're not positive there was any raspberry inside the cheesecake, just in the sauce that draped it.

Batman: Arkham Asylum, Just Started

Maybe it's the games I've been playing, but this game doesn't quite look as nice. What a thing to say. "Maybe it's the supermodels I've been dating lately, but you seem rather on the heavy and short side."

Anyway. What it may lack in the looks department it makes up for in moves. I'm liking the variety and smoothness of his fighting technique so far. Though, and this is a small nitpick, he oddly doesn't commit to his moves, just kind of swings without following through. Just a small oddity, nothing to get worked up about.

Back to the view. Maybe it's not the ugliest thing in the world, but it's certainly being obscured too much by Bats himself, and swings rather unhelpfully in most cases thus far. I kind of need the camera on my side in a game like this.

By and large, I'm into this kind of storyline and game concept; we'll have to see if my eyes can take the abuse for extended periods.

Iron Man 2 Quick Review

Good: Mickey Rourke as the bad guy

Bad: Different guy playing Rhodes?

Awesome: Scarlet Johansson

Frowny: Using my science again. Hands off, please, Hollywood.

So please go and enjoy! But place a little stamp of disapproval in the corner of science breakthrough scenes. A little me, frowning at the misuse of my science. After all, they didn't think they were just going to get away with it and no one would notice?

CoD:MW2, Campaign Finished

That didn't take long, did it? Though difficulty might be set just a touch too high - death is frequent and convenient. And not to mention the walkthroughs for this kind of thing are always hyper-unhelpful: "Go here and kill all the dudes. Now move on." As if I would look up a walkthrough so it could tell me that? I mean, there's an objective marker. I'm not going to get lost.

One of the levels looks exactly like the shower room from The Rock. You think I'm just saying that. "Just like." I should emphasize that it is not a turn of phrase. They are identical. I mean, I'm a fan of The Rock, too, but I hope you got some kind of copyright?

Anyhow, variety of missions is good as usual. Music is good as usual. Drama is high again, if you didn't like it in the first place, be warned it reaches new heights. I hear some people didn't appreciate their attempt at so-called high-brow drama, but I'll let them get away with it again. They're clearly very proud of themselves for this mechanic, so let them play with it, I say.

Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2: Early

Very early in the goings of the game so far. Of course it's very nice-looking, but it depends on what you consider nice-looking. Bullet holes and floating debris in warzones? Realistic cracks in buildings and a certain realism in the rundown cars? After playing so much Final Fantasy, it's not what I'm looking for, myself.

You'll like this: you start the game by "showing the new recruits" how to use weapons and grenades. After running the training course, you get a recommendation on what level you'll want to be playing the game at. If you want to play higher than your recommended level, you'll have to show 'em you're worth it and run the course more efficiently. When you're satisfied with your performance, you may go and begin the game proper.

Let me go back and talk about realistic games again, because I was thinking this during Uncharted 2, and moreso now during CoD:MW2. You know how in animation, there's a a threshold of realness? If the character looks TOO human, it'll disturb the viewing audience, because of the very slight unreal aspect. Here, the realistic sight of blood splattering across your glasses when you get shot is so real, I find myself wondering how I survived that hit. Later, a guy pitifully tries to crawl away from me with his hands pressing against bullet wounds, and I wonder if I'm really doing the right thing by running up to him and shooting him in the face. The level of realism has been pushed so close to the end that now the cartoon aspect of taking several dozen bullets seems out of place. It makes me think that 'realism' is no longer a quality the game industry should choose to pursue. Well, not all of the game industry. Call of Duty is perfectly welcome to keep pushing this envelope as far as they see fit, because they're doing a fine job. But I don't think I want all my games like this. I enjoy running and gunning and not worrying about ammo or health, or feeling guilt for the horrified people I'm mowing down in the process and the tragic orphans they leave behind.

I suppose it's not for the squeamish. But that snowmobile level was quite cool.