DWTS: Week 5

What an 80s outfit you have on, Brooke. And her hair is carefully big. What a throwback.

Hope Solo

Video: Carrie Ann opened the video by suggesting Hope stick to feeling the music and being sexy, and her natural athleticism will carry her through. She must have missed last week's video, where Hope flat-out said that she needs to practice til' it's perfect, and there's no other way for her to learn. It WAS quite the platonic foxtrot, last week. Tango is about hate and love, so hopefully she can quickly learn to channel the 'fight' to 'sexy'.

Outfit: Excellent coat-dress, but why the little back clutch? Maks coat is pretty great, and Hope's dress is very Debbie Gibson? 80's Madonna?

Dance: I said before that Hope's idea of "sexy" involves too much of a weird face. Weird face has been fixed, but her new concept of sexy involves a lot of disdainful sashaying and head tossing. Also, Len is not going to like all this time wasted on storyline. If I could give my advice, I'd say she needs to watch some professionals and have Maks explain what, precisely and specifically, is involved in "sexy".

Critique: Judges fight, already? Their advice is completely garbled when they talk over each other like that.

Interview: It's so hard to come up with those perfect little quips that occasionally happen with Maks. Brooke tried, with a "Maks calls your relationship love-love, not love-hate. How would you characterize it?" but neither of them had a really snippy thing to say. Maybe later, at the confession booth.

Conclusion: You're sexy, Hope! Believe in it! Didn't you do the 'Bodies' issue of ESPN the magazine? 8-8-8

Carson Kressley

Video: Come on, Carson, it's come-back week! Jive is well suited to your manic style, but you're just so uncoordinated.

Outfit: Quite insane. Terribly bright. Involved pom-poms.

Dance: Uncoordinated, as I said. And, he seems to forget his stuff a lot - it's like a neon flashing, pom-pom-covered, fluorescent car wreck. Carrie Ann was covering her eyes by the end.

Critique: They still complemented his cheerful and entertaining attitude, which is always bad - if a person is a contender, they talk about things they can improve, now about how "great it is to have such an entertaining personality on the show" or "I really admire you for coming out here and giving it your all". And you know it's getting serious when they start to talking about how "it's week 5, it's time to start bringing it or going home".

Interview: Brooke was surprised he didn't come out in the full cheerleading skirt and poms, and he said: "maybe next week." So, a reason to vote for him!

Conclusion: It's that time of the season when Carson has something to be worried about. 6-6-7

Nancy Grace

Video: Catty week between Nancy Grace and her partner Tristan. She must be hard to deal with - he says she makes up her mind about what things are before he's even finished a sentence. And he's trying to teach her something she knows nothing about! I assume it's a prosecutor thing, to want to take someone's words and then sound like you know what you're talking about, but come on, Nancy. Zip up and learn, as Len is fond of saying.

Outfit: Cute, actually. Huge curly hair extensions made her look like she was 17 and at prom in 1987.

Dance: It looked technically advanced, and smooth, but still without the flair of an actress.

Critique: Carrie Ann hates it when people aren't sexy-towne in their rumbas. I know Carrie Ann wants to get across that she wants to feel the emotional connection, but she didn't really... say that in so many words. I hope Nancy and Tristan caught what she meant and not what she said.

Interview: Brooke asked them about their interaction, and Nancy said it was fine and Tristan "just needs to listen to my dance suggestions! But no, he keeps thinking he's the dancer here."

Conclusions: So, she's cuter and more fun than you thought she was. 7-7-8

JR Martinez

Video: He's Latin-ish, so he's taking advantage. He's bringing the "Jose Renee" part of JR to the floor.

Outfit: Miami-flavored.

Dance: Great song for a party dance like the salsa. But, as he said in the video, he sometimes waggles his body, but forgets where his feet are. She did make him do some samba rolls, which were .... okay. All in all, though, the spirit of party was well on display - he really threw it down.

Critique: Bruno said that some woman almost threw herself off the balcony to get to him. Carrie Ann just made a squealie noise. That's solid praise.

Interview: "Karina threw everything at you, even samba rolls!" "And props. She often throws props."

Conclusion: He knows how to dig deep, that is so vital for this competition. 9-9-10

Rob Kardashian

Video: Clearly it's time to take everything you've learned from Cheryl and fly, Rob! Take the lead and be a manly Rob! They brought in Romeo from last season (a friend of Rob's from USC), who actually had a pretty good rumba with Chelsea (Romeo's best dance, let's not get into his fun yet weird stalking of Chelsea). Romeo may be just what Rob needs - some instruction on being completely brash, bold, and masculine, in a sensual dance like the rumba, and take control of the dance, and the girl.

Outfit: Standard. Cheryl kinda looked somewhat jungle-Cheryl.

Dance: Rob took some tips from Romeo, but he seemed to interpret some of his intensity as "looking down". Technique solid as usual (it's Cheryl, duh!) and the performance aspect is on the rise.

Critique: All three of them complemented him on coming out of Cheryl's shadow, and Carrie Ann mentioned how he's rapidly gaining ground in the competition. I told you, Carrie Ann - all Cheryl needs is time.

Interview: "We've asked you to over come your shyness, and then to learn how to make love on the dance floor - are you worried about what DWTS is going to ask of you next?" "Just don't ask me to take off my shirt yet."

Conclusion: Like I've said before, just a matter of time... 9-8-8

Chaz Bono

Video: They complemented his Paso from last week, but Paso is a pretty easy dance for the guy. Samba is going to be nearly impossible. But Lacey brings out the big guns (literally?), her dad, Buddy Schwimmer. Buddy is a renowned dance coach, and he's just as big as Chaz around the middle. Not only does he show Chaz how to bust a groove, he shows Chaz that big dudes not only can shake it, they "have more to shake."

Outfit: Another 80s prom theme set of outfits. Lacey looks like a rainbow cupcake.

Dance: It seemed to me to have way more content than his usual stuff. It also had a good amount of fun party atmosphere. Thanks, Buddy Schwimmer!

Critique: I said earlier, it's not super good when the judges go with "I appreciate you coming out here and trying" instead of things they can actually do to improve. It means the judges want you gone.

Interview: I was mostly distracted by that 80s picture of Brooke. She was gently displeased in a politically correct way. You're a good host, Brooke.

Conclusion: Best dance for Chaz -can Buddy Schwimmer come in every week? 8-9-8 (he got more points than Hope?)

David Arquette

Video: The video of the paso from last week reminded me that David is a little too careful with it, thinking about all his moves with that focused / terrified look on his face. He finally thinks things are 'clicking' this week, so hopefully he can learn the routine solid, and then fret about it less. He's also just about completely sobered up (sweat it out!) and his director/producer self is taking control, giving Kym suggestions (!) for the choreography. And doing some quality Len impressions to boot. Remarkable.

Outfit: Bad boy 80s! David is one of the few people who was in high school during that era - he remembers the "Bad" and spraypaint / breakdance culture. I think he's wearing just enough eyeliner, too.

Dance: Aha! I was right! He finally looks like he's concentrating less on remembering the moves and just cramming passion and aggression (and acting) into it instead. It was a pretty tame routine, though.

Critique: High praise from Len, and his daughter in the audience practically lost it. I wonder if Courtney Cox covers her ears / eyes when Bruno gives critiques. Judges fight drowned out most of what Carrie Ann is trying to say. Something about working on musicality.

Interview: Tom had to cut off the judges with "Now, it is my turn to talk." Just to keep things clear. Brooke's questions were answered with total gibberish as David continues to act a bit drunk.

Conclusion: He's recovering. I hope. It is, after all, more important than a dance competition. 8-9-8.

Ricki Lake

Video: Ricki's losing weight fast. That picture of her as chubby Tracy Turnblad in 1987 featured John Waters, who stopped by at practice. He has not changed his look at all - anyone else who looked like that would be a child molester suspect on CSI.

Outfit: Terrible. There must be one awful outfit-maker on this show, and Ricki gets that person once in a while. Those ruffles weren't very 80s, and they certainly weren't very flattering. To top it all off, you couldn't see the movement of her legs. She even complained herself that she looked ridiculous - despite the fact that she looks better now, thirty years later.

Dance: Like I said, couldn't see much of what she was doing underneath that stupid curtain.

Critique: Bruno and Carrie Ann actively hated the Roger Rabbit and Running Man moves. Speculation on why Derek put it in the dance included hairspray interfering with brain cells, and Derek being in diapers during the 80s. Len tried to say "No one likes funk like I do, but not in the foxtrot." But he couldn't finish over the guffaws of laughter.

Interview: Ricki admitted to throwing in those two 80s moves out of her own 80s repertoire (since Derek has none) and then messing up the move, and quickly said that all the dancing in the future would be choreographed by Derek alone.

Conclusion: Stop getting that outfit-maker, Ricki. Also, Roger Rabbit probably doesn't have a place in foxtrot... 8-8-8

The Sing-Off 2-1

My naming convention isn't the right one. This is the third week, but there's still too many groups to get through in one night, so this is part one of Radio Hits and 60's Classics challenge.

Vocal Point opened with an acapella version of "Never Say Never," which sounds odd when not sung by a child? Their 60's song was "The Way You Look Tonight" which was a simple thing for them - it fit their style, and one of their guys plain out sounds exactly like Harry Connick, Jr.

Delilah understands that it's "go big or go home," so their arrangement of "Whaddya Want From Me" went for full drama factor. It was a good idea, but their real powerhouse is Amy, and I think the others don't have the right timbre. For their 60's song, they sang "Heat Wave," and that was perfect. It's right in their range, and all the supporting sounds and beats sound great when done by all girls. The judges were somehow disappointed more by the second, because their lack of mid-range was more apparent to them in that arrangement, due to the fact that they stuck more to the original.

Urban Method sang "Just Can't Get Enough" from the Black Eyed Peas. They somehow give a super clubby feel to acapella. And the blonde, Liz, was spot on. I suppose Fergie's parts aren't the most challenging. They smartly used a different male singer and let the rapper just do his part and not the whole thing. Their other song was "Dance to the Music," which was also clubby, and a pretty easy song to reproduce well.

Afro-Blue got "American Boy," which is a song I like, and I thought their style would mess with it too much, but they were really inventive with the arrangement. It was jazzy and unique, but recognizable. Their harmonies were super complex and the individual scatting by group members was truly impressive. Their other song was "Heard it Through the Grapevine" and they were the only ones to really change up the arrangement, to mixed results.

The YellowJackets got "Dynamite" for their current hit, and this is a tough one. They do know how to take advantage of their big group to fill up the sound space. Also, they got new yellow jackets, which is just fun. They split the solos up between a number of guys, and none of them have the smooth sound of the original, but all in all it worked for them. In contrast, their other song, "Can't Take My Eyes Off of You" mostly didn't need that many background guys, actually, but was pulled off spectacularly by the soloist - who is totally in love with Sarah, apparently. Quality.

Kinfolk9 got "Price Tag" - bad song for them, and then "Let It Be," also bad. I mean, we're all for showcasing your soloist, but it's a song with nothing else. And then they got sent home. Boo.

DWTS: Week 4

Film night in the ballroom - extra orchestra everywhere.

Chynna talked about how important it was to not mess up this week, because of Kristin all that, and then proceeds to mess up horrifically. Disaster. Still got 7-7-7, though, and it's too bad she messed up, because it looked like Tony was finally pulling out all the stops in his choreography - the dance was to the theme from Mission Impossible, and he came into the ballroom on a suspension wire!

David, if I have not mentioned before, looks good for his age and circumstances. He danced to the theme from Raiders of the Lost Ark, and also had a bold entrance. He embodies his dances well (remember, actor) but the physical details are sometimes missed, like hand position and extension. He inspired a really solid judges fight: 8-7-8.

Carson and Anna probably went too cheesy in their rendition of the theme Curse of the Black Pearl. What Viennese waltz there was seemed pretty good, except he's still a bit on banana peel shoes, somehow. You gotta love how he's the star who's in this most for the outfits. 7-6-7

Nancy Grace had the song from Flash Gordon, which is plain out not good. Even though I thought she put a lot of prosecutor-brand aggression into her Paso and played her part well, the judges disagreed, thinking she needs to connect more with the audience to make it more 'exciting'. Hey dudes, she's not an actress, she's a lawyer. It's kind of cool to see her so cheery, though. Whenever you see her on her own show, she's invariably angry at something. 7-7-7.

Hope and Maks fight all the way through the video segment. Hope wants to drill until each step is muscle memory, and Maks thinks she's overthinking everything to the point of frustrating and messing herself up. They eventually make up and Hope decides to put her faith in Maks' crazy teaching style. The song was "You Got a Friend in Me" from Toy Story, which is ridiculously relaxing and slow. It makes for a kind of foxtrot that we've never seen before, but as long as the judges thought technique was sound, that's what counts. Len seemed... angry about something though. Maybe Maks' teaching style, or the perception that the video gave of their teamwork. 8-8-8

Rob has the Paso, to the theme from Superman. Haven't we done this song before? Cheryl and Rob's approach is more 'Clark' than Jason Taylor's 'Superman'. While I'm comparing the two, Jason Taylor's Paso jump was way awesomer. Was it Jason Taylor? Or the other guy? Anyway, no real disrespect, Rob, it was good otherwise. Also, Len, so angry tonight. 8-8-8

Ricki Lake somehow got the theme from the movie Psycho? Derek opened and closed with a really clever and visually appealing silhouette sequence, but the timing of the weird song was tough, even for him. Her technique seemed fine, but she panicked all week with the moves, and you could see some of that in the performance. The first thing all night that Len even remotely liked, I think. 10-9-10, first tens of the season!

After a really short cameo by a really, really old Richard Simmons, Chaz debuts a Paso to the Rocky theme song. He does more actual dancing movements, which is what the judges asked for, and he runs up the stairs at the end - no mean feat for a large man with bad knees, people. Also, Cher is there, how cool is that. Carrie Ann cried, which makes Cher cry, so they cut her off before she could do any more damage. 7-7-7, dude that's more than Carson and Anna. Big surge from last week.

So Lacey brings in Richard Simmons (poor Lacey needs a winning-caliber partner one of these seasons...) but Karina brings in a foxtrot champion to crack the whip on J.R., this is the difference between contender and 'just celebrity,' unfortunately. The theme from the Pink Panther suits the foxtrot way better than "You've Got a Friend in Me," and the subtle humor (I thought) was great. For some reason, Carrie Ann did not like it, and Len called her crazy for once. I was shouting "FIGHT! FIGHT!" the whole time - alas, they were just catty. 8-9-9.

Results show was no good, you can skip it. I don't even know who Raphael Saadiq is, and his rendition of "Soul Man," can't stand up to the original (could anything?) And then there's Susan Boyle, and I'm not a Susan Boyle fan, already! I really think she's not very good at singing. Honestly. And Blake Shelton is good, but "Footloose" is also just fine as is. So that's three songs that were much better in their original versions.

Chynna and Tony get eliminated. Too bad, she was pretty good.

BQBL: Week 5 Scores

The first of the bye weeks, we should have expected a drop in scores, but this week was insane. Now, only a choice few QBs are performing badly enough for major points, and some of them are on teams that no one took.

• Nan: 38
• Panthers - Cam Newton: 2
• Jaguars - Blaine Gabbert: 15
• Chiefs - Matt Cassel: -10
• Buccaneers - Josh Freeman: 38

For a moment, I thought he had the Cardinals (who benched their starting QB, Kevin Kolb), and I raged against the injustice. Oh how I raged. But then I realized I had mixed up two bright red teams. He has the Chiefs - it's all right, people! Go ahead and stand down. You can cancel the hit on Nan. (For now.)

• Alison: 47
• Cowboys - Tony Romo: bye
• Eagles - Michael Vick: 42
• Browns - Colt McCoy: bye
• Lions - Matthew Stafford: 5

Two teams on byes, but a solid week out of Michael Vick - a savvy BQBL pick if I've ever seen one!

• Me: 5
• Redskins - Rex Grossman: bye
• Bills - Ryan Fitzpatrick: 11
• 49ers - Alex Smith: -5
• Bengals - Andy Dalton: -1

What's going on, world? Why are you upside down? Where's the much-loved 'league parity' we're always talking about? If these perennially atrocious teams are all suddenly contenders, who are the new bottom-dwellers? Huhn? Answer me that, league.

• Rob: 78
• Dolphins - Chad Henne: bye
• Raiders - Jason Campbell: 11
• Broncos - Kyle Orton: 67
• Colts - Curtis Painter: bye

Two teams on byes, and one of his remaining teams gets a benching! You can't get this lucky every week, Rob! *shakes fist

• Xian: -11
• Texans - Matt Schaub: 5
• Steelers - Ben Roethisberger: -15
• Ravens - Joe Flacco: bye
• Seahawks - Tarvaris Jackson: -1

Again, tumultuous. Works for me, though, because despite my atrocious week of 5 BQBL points, at least someone did worse than me.

• GOOD QB NPC: 6
• Patriots - Tom Brady: -1
• Chargers - Philip Rivers: 32
• Saints - Drew Brees: -16
• Packers - Aaron Rodgers: --9
• MEDIUM QB NPC: 189
• Giants - Eli Manning: 41
• Falcons - Matt Ryan: 26
• Cardinals - Kevin Kolb: 70.5, Richard Bartel: 25.5
• Jets - Mark Sanchez: 26
• BAD QB NPC: 28
• Titans - Matt Hasselbeck: 7
• Bears - Jay Cutler: bye
• Vikings - Donovan McNabb: 21
• Rams - Sam Bradford: bye

Some of the sleeper teams none of us picked:

Vikings - every week someone has to vouch for Donovan McNabb. And fans clamoring for Christian Ponder? Not so promising for him

Jets - we knew they were covering for Mark Sanchez, but we didn't know that his bad QBing could overcome all that compensating

Cardinals - what!? Philadelphia is making a business of pretending they have good QBs and then pulling the rug out from under you once you're halfway on the bandwagon.

Giants - No one talks about the Eli-Coaster, or the Roethlis-Coaster. They just like piling on when someone's got a star on their head, you know?

BQBL: Week 4 Scores

Pardon the tardiness.

• Nan: 54
• Panthers - Cam Newton: 26
• Jaguars - Blaine Gabbert: 13
• Chiefs - Matt Cassel: 15
• Buccaneers - Josh Freeman: 0

Aha! He lost this week! A big zero from the Buccaneers, who played the Colts on Monday night - they didn't prove themselves legit, but they certainly raised some questions about the Colts. And that 15 from the Chiefs is apparently for an argument on the sidelines being replayed on Sportscenter. I didn't see such a thing! But to be honest, if 'sound byte' was a points-worthy offense, Alison would win every damned week, between the Eagles and the Cowboys. Then, it would be too easy for her.

• Alison: 67
• Cowboys - Tony Romo: 56
• Eagles - Michael Vick: 27, Mike Kafka: -15
• Browns - Colt McCoy: 18
• Lions - Matthew Stafford: 8

She's on the Romo-coaster, all right. Even the BQBL is up and down when you have the Eagles and the Cowboys. Who would've thought? Here's a link to a fun blog post at espndallas.com, the place to be if you need breakdowns on everything from who's at practice, to officiating statistics. Crazy place, Dallas. I quite liked it. At any rate, the article talks about how crazy it would be if we treated the Cowboys like a baseball team, and when Tony's generated a solid lead for us, the head coach, Jason Garrett, jogs out to the huddle and has a serious-face talk with him and the offense. Tony takes off his helmet and jogs of the field, waving and smiling to applauding fans as "relief QB" John Kitna comes in and patiently makes safe throws for no gain for the remainder of the game. Is this a method by which we could win games? Terrifying thought.

• Me: 73
• Redskins - Rex Grossman: 32
• Bills - Ryan Fitzpatrick: 16
• 49ers - Alex Smith: 7
• Bengals - Andy Dalton: 18

Alright team. Pep talk time. We are simply not under-performing down to our capabilities. I know you're worse than this, Alex Smith. I've seen it with my own eyes. I won't have Mark Sanchez out-BQBing you. I picked you because I believe in you, and the season's 25% over - we don't have time for you to do all this soul-searching and waffling between 'decent QB' and 'draft bust'. We need to get on the wrong track, and now. I know you've got it in you.

• Rob: 94
• Dolphins - Chad Henne: 26
• Raiders - Jason Campbell: 6
• Broncos - Kyle Orton: 52
• Colts - Curtis Painter: 10

Rob agonized through the Monday night game, outraged that Curtis Painter could continue to dump off 5 yard passes that somehow turned into 80 yard touchdowns - those count towards a QB's 'passing yards', if you did not know. Unfortunate for him that the Buc's defense is porous, but Kyle Orton finally came through for him. And this next week looks like the start of the Matt Moore era, we shall see how that turns out. He doesn't get any points for injuries benching two of his four QBs, but at this rate, Jamarcus Russell Exception might be exercised! The Colts and Dolphins both shook the QB Free Agent Barrel and heartily scraped the bottom to flesh out their rosters.

• Xian: 87
• Texans - Matt Schaub: 12
• Steelers - Ben Roethisberger: 15
• Ravens - Joe Flacco: 61
• Seahawks - Tarvaris Jackson: -1

Interesting. Xian's teams are also quite tumultuous, week to week. You'd think the Ravens and Steelers would carefully take care of the ball and steadily run, and the Texans and the Seahawks would consistently be awful, but I suppose you never know in this league. Except with Mark Sanchez. And that brings me to ...

• GOOD QB NPC: -33
• Patriots - Tom Brady: 0
• Chargers - Philip Rivers: -6
• Saints - Drew Brees: 1
• Packers - Aaron Rodgers: -27
• MEDIUM QB NPC: 124
• Giants - Eli Manning: -1
• Falcons - Matt Ryan: 0
• Cardinals - Kevin Kolb: 20
• Jets - Mark Sanchez: 105
• BAD QB NPC: 70
• Titans - Matt Hasselbeck: 0
• Bears - Jay Cutler: 37
• Vikings - Donovan McNabb: 17
• Rams - Sam Bradford: 16

WTF, Mark Sanchez! I feel awful for not picking you and perpetually-vouched-for Donovan McNabb.

DWTS: Week 3

Summaries will be shorter - I'm watching just the recap show.

First out of the gate was Rob Kardashian, and like I told you before, he's going to get better by leaps and bounds. He's partnered with Cheryl, dude. This week, he's made great strides in being the man in charge of the dance, and bringing some presence to the stage. He still dances like a hard-working amateur, but I assure you, it is but a matter a time. It's nice to see a real amateur do good, not just an actor (natural showmanship) or an athlete (natural body control) or singer (natural musicality). I'm rooting for Rob. (8-8-8)

Chynna danced to her own song ("Hold On") and is well suited to the rumba. She's got great lines (20-something body, remember!) and really got the message through body language, which is huge extra points in the rumba, on "personal story" night. Also, 20-something body! Smoking. (8-9-9)

Chaz seemed to display musicality to my eyes, but the judges were more of the opinion that he didn't do much dancing in his rumba. (6-6-6)

Kristin's assets were highlighted to the max by her and Mark's routine. That is, sex sells! Shake it, white girl. (8-8-8)

Carson, again, is my favorite. He even put on his semi-serious face for this tango, and the judges were again impressed at how he brings the sass and the brass. That is, how he's both masculine and feminine in the same dance. He even had decent technique this time! All that practice is paying off, honeys! I knew it would be fabulous when he came out in a black and white suit, in a metaphor for coming out of the closet and becoming comfortable with his (incredibly fabulous) self. And stealing Anna's shoes. So good. (8-7-8)

J.R. continues to impress with a silky smooth rumba that didn't seem to have much to do outwardly with the military, but I suppose you could read into it a bit more. What was obvious was how excellently JR can rumba down. (9-8-9)

Nancy, going right after JR, looks like she needs some of that smoothness and ability to fully extend. She's the only one who did a waltz? I wonder how she'd do with a rumba. (7-7-7)

Ricki is mercifully in an excellent outfit. So much better, words can't even contain my happiness. Seriously, I can look at this one all night. Except for maybe the end of the routine, which (and this has happened before) was pushing the line on Too Sexy. But for real. Ricki hair and outfit: Perfect. Made that dance excellent. (9-9-9)

Hope, on the other hand, has suddenly caught the 'bad outfit' bug. Well, the outfit... can be forgiven, but the makeup was strong, and accentuated the weird way Hope makes what she thinks is a 'sexy face'. Don't purse your lips like that, Hope, you are much better-looking when you smile. Maks seems to have plain out made her learn a lapdance to convince her she's sexy. This will hopefully pay off in future latin routines. (8-8-8)

Lastly, David put together a competent rumba. Rumba is good for actors, I think, because emotion is more important than precision or control. (8-8-8), that's a really good score for David!

Results Show:

JR - Ooohhh, now that I see it more, it's about a letter that a soldier sends home when he doesn't make it. Emotional and sad.

Hope - You thought I was stretching it with that comment? After the dance, in confessional, Maks made her repeat the phrase "I feel sexy" over and over, until, exasperated, she said "I feel like sex on a stick!" (which, if you haven't been around all these seasons, is one of Maks favorite ways to describe himself)

Aha, that was Jay Cutler I espied getting cameo shots during Kristin's performance. I checked el wiki, seems they are ex-fiance's. Oh, TMZ, why don't you keep me informed of this nonsense. Oh yeah, that's right, it's because I don't watch you, TMZ. At any rate, next week, Jay will also be on live TV in the Monday night slot, always a moral conflict for me, but more a physical conflict with him in that case. Can't come see Kristin next week, eh, Jay? Unfortunately for Kristin, this cameo is not going to up her likability.

Mary J. Blige and Estelle both look older than I imagine them in my head.

Wow, that's really Chubby Checker? How does he still fit into those tight jeans? Haha, he's doing the twist with Len. It's so old out there on the dance floor, everyone.

Kristin and Mark were eliminated. Sorry, Mark. Not the first time it's happened to you. Either it's because

1) Mark himself can sometimes be a little cocksure

2) They fall into a small niche of "they got a high score, they'll be fine. I'll vote for someone else"

3) The voting constituency is conservative older ladies. They'll vote for Nancy Grace, but not for the flashy, sexy, arrogant young lady.

BQBL: Week 4 Recap

So....

No.

What I mean is. This is the scene you should have in your head. I'm at the podium after the game, and you're about to ask me a question. I hold up my hand for silence, and then open my mouth to say something, anything, about what just happened.

And then, no. I just close my mouth, shake my head, and dejectedly walk away.

We just... won't talk about it. That's how we deal with this. Yes, it happens more than we like. But the thing you need to know is, we don't talk about it. Don't tell me over and over what happened, Sportscenter. I know. I was there. Don't remind me of Week 1. I know about that, too. Let's just pick up, move on, and have city-wide amnesia. Tony can do it. So can we.