So I know many of my more gourmand colleagues are not exactly in love with the place, but I am 100% bound and determined to eat my way through that cheesecake list. In my lifetime. I'm aware that it is pretty much deadliness bordering on a suicidal charge, but you can't just make a list like that and expect a person like me not to come 'round with completion on the brain. Join me in this delectably deadly maneuver, won't you? At least make sure I make it back after an evening of such dangerous undertakings.
So the crux of the problem is always this. Their portions are ludicrous. You hardly ever make it to dessert if you attempt to partake in a meal. So you either need to go in with a plan to make it to the dessert course, or go in for just dessert. Our plan today was to eat dinner early, and snag cheaper lunch portions instead of dinner/dinosaur-sized portions. Our other plan is typically to eat less than half and put the rest in a box. Once, I ordered a Cobb salad, since I thought that would work. You know what Cheesecake Factory thinks a Cobb salad looks like? Mount Doom. An entire head of cabbage and no less than three full avocados must be in that thing.
Regardless, even after ordering lunch portions, I was forced to yell at the guy who brought it out. "Seriously. I ordered a lunch portion." "That's it," he replied, and walked off. I thought to myself that all the busboys in that place must take a pre-interview benchpress assessment.
When time for dessert finally arrived, I proudly announced to our server that we had made it this time and that I'd like a Lemon Raspberry Cream Cheesecake slice. He nodded, and turned to Nan to ask him what he'd like. Nan was actually quite incensed by this. Why the hell, he asked after the server had scurried away from his withering gaze, would I want an entire piece for myself? Is it humanly possible to consume one of those on one's own? It's not like he looks like he usually eats 6000+ calories in a sitting.
And let me tell you, after a while of trying to stick to under 1200 calories a day, I couldn't even look that cheesecake in the face. I got sugar-shivers, which is pretty unusual for me, and had to leave the rest to Nan. "I'm going in for the kill, then," he said. I asked him who, exactly, was the victim in that scenario. "My waistline," he replied, stuffing the last bit in his mouth.
Fish and Chips (lunch portion): Four large fish portions, over large bed of fries, plus enormous lump of cole slaw. Softball-sized, at least. Really, actually, quite good fish and chips, considering we've had fish and chips in every establishment that claims to make them. Fish was battered thickly and fried crisply, chips were as good as any other chips out there.
Strawberry Lemonade: Seemed to be free refills? Or the server liked me.
Shepherds Pie (lunch portion): A sea of meat and mushrooms, with a lake of mashed potatoes. Obviously we were feeling 'English Pub-fare', and just as obviously, we don't even want to know what dinner portions look like. Tasted fine, but we barely made a dent in it. Also, it was not lamb - that is typical in America. Just beef and mushrooms.
Lemon Raspberry Cream Cheesecake: Quite good. Raspberry flavor was strong, as was lemon flavoring, so it's a tangy one to choose. Cheesecake Factory whipped cream is unique in that it seems very structurally sound. I personally like that. Soaked ladies fingers lined the bottom, but we're not positive there was any raspberry inside the cheesecake, just in the sauce that draped it.
