Jack: Still not seeing the appeal, myself, so I'm not sure if this is going to disturb you - this samba was complete with unbuttoned shirt and waxed chest. 8-8-8
Maria: What a weird version of "Material Girl" this is! She picked the song, but her assigned dance is rumba, so they just remixed it. Ew, Derek just plain choreographed a make-out session in the middle there. As for Maria (other strangeness aside), good looking dance. This is not part of her sentimental sob-story, but is a good reason to root for her: despite busted ribs, she moonlighted yesterday as a WWE wrestler. No joke. She got divebombed and kicked a scantily-clad lady out of the ring. 9-9-9
Gladys: Slow songs suit Gladys, as you might expect. Here's something I noticed. There was a moment right at the beginning where she looked out at the audience and she absolutely looked like she had no idea what she was supposed to be doing. Then, Tristan grabbed her and (no doubt) barked some crazy-half-English instructions and she went right to work. Tristan's puppetteering is masterful, what can I say. Her execution is graceful and, as Carrie Ann said, "rich". 8-8-8
Roshon: 70s Michael Jackson samba stylings. I think the emotion got away from him, and it ended up a little more "excited kid" than clean samba technique. 8-8-9 What is with these scores?
Gavin: We found out something tragic about Gavin, alright. We found out what is under that hat that he is always wearing. And it's not a good revelation. Karina incorporated the piano, always a bad sign that you think you're about to go. But he was under the red light last week, so it's best to bust out the piano if you've got to. Gavin's lines in his rumba were WAY better, incredibly so. That could deserve another week of Karina Boot Camp. 8-8-8
Katherine: She looks like she's all but bawling during her performance, but don't get ahead of yourself - it was still perfect. It's easy to mistake her for a professional dancer because of the hair and the body. It's not required for her profession, either, she's just Katherine Jenkins. Carrie Ann sobbed all the way through her critique, and Katherine was no better. Way to put a stopper on the waterworks, Len, by complaining that there wasn't enough real ballroom hold. Bruno just said: "SENSATIONAL!" which is pretty awesome, to keep him to one word. 10-9-10 Tens!?! Already!?!
Sherri: Sherri is either acting, or really about to also start bawling in the middle of her dance. Maybe acting, because she occasionally busts out into a HUGE smile. One or the other of them is acting. Her dance seemed really, really short, but I guess time flies when you're anticipating an emotional meltdown. 8-8-8
Melissa: She is putting those legs on display, and let us all hope we are all as good-looking at that age. She looks like she is completely unable to keep up with the pace of this incredibly fast song, though. 8-8-8, really? Everyone just gets an 8 tonight?
Jaleel: When Kym said "whew! That was right! That was sexy!" in practice, she looked right at the cameraman, with a look that I hope meant: "get that camera out of here, I'm about to jump this man's bones." Too smooth, too sexy, this dance. William Levy, eat your heart out. OMG he lost it when Brooke asked him a question, though. 9-8-8
William: Cheryl popped his shirt off at the beginning, to really blow the roof off the place. The bandanna seems like an unfortunate touch, though. It was a really good salsa, but if I had a critique, it would be that he's more careful when he's in hold with Cheryl. 9-9-10
Donald: Donald just needs a little calm and finesse to be a winner in this competition. 9-8-9
Nobody got so much as a 7. Let's hope America was a little more discerning with their votes.
